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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Four Simple Ways to Implement Change in Your Real Estate Business

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

Have you ever wondered why changing some of your behaviors is easy and changing others is so difficult? One of the primary reasons may be due to “lag time,” the time it takes between taking action and experiencing the result of that reaction.

Psychological research has shown the best time to “reinforce” a new behavior is right after the behavior occurs. Yet most of the changes we would like to implement in our lives take time to create. In fact, activities such as earning a college degree, raising a child, or fulfilling your life’s purpose can take years.

The same is true for your real estate business. For example, if you decide to start a blog, it may take 6-18 months before you see sustainable results. On the other hand, many successful bloggers have discovered that once they did the basic work to set up their blogs, they are able to take vacations and time away and still have a steady flow of leads.

The Instant Gratification Society

The challenge is that we become impatient. Our society promotes the idea of having it all and having it now. Unfortunately, when it takes more time than we are willing to spend to get reinforced (i.e. experience success), we often give up on the new behavior before the full effects have a chance to take hold. While instant gratification is nice when you are lucky enough to find it, the truth is that we seldom get instant gratification in our business. Instead, like going to school, it’s a series of steps.

To illustrate this point, one of our private coaching clients just hit the $100,000 level in net commissions to her for the first time. She has been working with her coach on this goal since January. She has tried lots of different things and kept making gradual improvements in what she is doing. The great news is that she is not only at the 100K level for the first time, she is tracking to actually do $150,000 in net commissions to her by the end of the ear, and that’s in this very tough market!

If you would like to benefit from coaching, we certainly invite you to contact us for a complimentary coaching appointment with a member of our coaching team from RealEstateCoach.com. In the meantime, here are four tips that can help you achieve the results that you want by addressing the issue of lag time.

1. Let go of the idea that change will take place instantly.

In most cases, whatever distresses you in life took a fair amount of time to get that way. Obstetricians routinely tell women it will take 9 months to totally lose the weight from their pregnancy. It takes 3 years to totally return to the state the mother was in prior to the pregnancy. When your business is having problems, it may take a number of months to turn it around.

2. The turkey roaster phenomenon

Have you ever been the person who had to wash the turkey roaster at Thanksgiving time. It was one big mess. In fact, when you first put it in the water, it’s actually a bigger mess than it was when it was sitting on the counter. If you keep scrubbing away at it, however, the roaster will soon be clean and sparkling. The point here is that to make improvements in your business, it takes putting up with things possibly getting messier before they get better.

3. Focus on the process, not just the goal

Imagine you are driving from Los Angeles to New York. If you only focus on how quickly you can get to New York, the time on the road will be both an inconvenience and a frustration. In contrast, if you focus on the process of making the most of each part of your drive, the drive itself becomes as fulfilling as reaching your destination. Thus, focus on making the best of each day in your life and your business rather than focusing exclusively on how quickly you can arrive at your goal or destination.

4. Small changes over time yield huge results.

For example, eating an extra sandwich a day doesn’t seem like much. Yet, if you maintain this behavior for a year without changing your exercise or other eating habits, you can gain as much as 52 pounds. Small, incremental changes over time, whether positive or negative, can produce extraordinary differences in your life. So be patient and as the old saying goes, “Keep on keeping on.”

Posted by Bernice Ross, Join us this week on RealEstateCoachRadio.com with New York Times Best-Selling author Don Hutson, the author of the One-Minute Negotiator. If you want to negotiate more effectively, you can’t afford to miss this incredible two weeks of shows with Don. Last week Don did five great shows on the topic of: The Selling Style that Works. This week Don does five more shows that include the following topics: Monday,     Your Database Is the Currency of Your Future. Tuesday:  The Seven “P’s” of Entrepreneurial Success. Wednesday: Four Negotiation Styles You Need to Know. Thursday: How to Overcome Negotiaphobia. Friday: The “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of Compromising.

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Four Simple Steps to Avoid Crisis Mode

Sunday, October 9th, 2011

There are three modes that people operate in when faced with a challenge: crisis mode, solution mode, and prevention mode. In many cases, when a client contacts a coach, they are already in crisis mode. The red flag for crisis is that you have shifted from responding to the problem to reacting to the problem.

How can you tell if you are reacting? There are a variety of ways–you may “fly off the handle”‘ or blurt out the first thing that comes to mind rather than carefully considering your options before you speak. When we make an emotional response, it’s normally reaction based.

In contrast, when you respond, you take time to consider your options and then, after evaluating each choice, select the option that will help you achieve the best possible results. By shifting to responding, this often allows you to prevent the problems that occur when you move to the emotional state characterized by reaction.

Here are four simple steps that you can help you move from crisis and reaction mode to prevention and response mode.

1. Avoid the “I don’t have time” trap

Reaction typically occurs when people are stressed and have little time to examine alternatives. In fact, when someone is in fear, reaction is much more probable. The fear takes away their ability to stand back and evaluate their best choices. You can see this in your sellers when they are desperate to sell and receive an exceptionally low offer. Rather than seeing the low offer as an opportunity that could be negotiated, they fly off the handle and become angry at their agent and the buyers. As a result, they virtually guarantee the very result they hoped to avoid.

2. An ounce of prevention…

Benjamin Franklin summed it up well when he said “An ounce of prevention equals a pound of cure.” One of the best ways to help your clients avoid going into reaction is to prepare them for the challenges that may occur in the deal. For example, tell your sellers that low offers are common and that about 50 percent of the time you can put these offers together. If they don’t make a counteroffer when you receive a low offer, the probability of selling is virtually zero.

3.  A simple problem solving strategy

Everyone has different ways to solve their problems. One of the best strategies is to look back at your past experience to see if you had a similar problem that you were able to solve in the past. If so, that strategy may work to overcome the current issue that you are handling. If you don’t have experience with a particular situation, then take a few moments to outline all the possible alternatives that you can think of, no matter how ridiculous. Then choose the best outcome for you.

4. Compare successful with unsuccessful outcomes

Even if you don’t know what to do, often times you can identify what you should not do. If a problem doesn’t appear to have a great solution, identify the options that are definitely not viable. A good way to use this approach is to look at situations where you had a negative outcome and to specifically identify the actions that you took that resulted in the negative outcome. You can also evaluate situations where you had a positive outcome–identify the elements that contributed to the positive outcome and see if any of those fit in your current situation.

While you can’t always prevent problems, knowing the strategies that support you will help to cope better with whatever occurs.  As a dear friend of mine used to say, “Pray for sunshine, be prepared for rain.”

Posted by Bernice Ross,Join us this week on RealEstateCoachRadio.com with New York Times Best-Selling author Don Hutson, the author of the One-Minute Negotiator. If you want to negotiate more effectively, you can’t afford to miss this incredible two weeks of shows with Don. Here’s what he will be covering this week in his 10-part series called: The Selling Style that Works:  Monday: How to Create Low Stress and High Trust; Tuesday: Communicate Like a Pro; Wednesday: What’s Right vs. Who’s Right? Thursday:  Handle Customer Concerns; Friday: Maximize Customer Loyalty.

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: 12 Ways to Create Your Perfect Day

Tuesday, September 13th, 2011

A common characteristic real estate agents share is that they are very good at taking care of everyone else except themselves. If you’re not taking time to care for you, there’s no better time than right now to start. In fact, one of my favorite coaching exercises is to create your perfect day. The question we asked our real estate coaching clients was, “What is one thing that you easily can do to make your day more perfect?” Here’s what they said.

1.  Spend 5 minutes each day expressing gratitude for my life.

2.  Take a long, luxurious bubble bath.

3.  Watch one of my favorite movies while munching on a bowl of popcorn.

4.  Spend time listening to great music.

5.  Spend a special evening alone with my spouse.

6.  Listen to the birds sing while having lunch in my backyard.

7.  Walk through the park, woods, or by the river.

8.  Teach my kids how to cook something new.

9.  Watch my kids play soccer or some other sport.

10. Do volunteer work.

11.  Ride my bike, play golf, or tennis.

12.  Curl up in front of the fireplace with a cup of cocoa and a great book.

If you want to have a more perfect day, choose one of these ideas or create your personal “Top 12″ and then implement at least one thing on your list every day.

Posted by Bernice Ross.  Join us this week at RealEstateCoachRadio.com to hear a great five part series from Glenn Shimkus of Cartavi.com who outlines “Five Key Questions to Ask Before Your Buy Your Next New Technology. Here’s what he will be covering:  Monday: Does the New Technology Solve a Problem? Tuesday: How Much Change Will It Require? Wednesday: Is It Easy to Use? Thursday: Is It Mobile? Friday: Is Your Stuff Protected? Also, check out Cartavi.com–it’s the best transaction tracking program ever.

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Solve Your Real Estate Business Problems an “Ounce” at a Time

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

A few days ago I hit a weight that was 1.5 pounds higher than I ever weighed. Too many desserts and heavy meals on the road coupled with my husband’s fantastic cooking have made me happy and content, but alas too heavy. I finally decided to bite the bullet and ordered one of those diets that sends you their pre-packaged food.

My husband totally supports me to “have my own experience.” I have to agree that eating pre-packaged food doesn’t hold a candle to the wonderful meals he prepares. On the other hand, I didn’t get here overnight. It was, as he put it, “an ounce at a time.”

His comment, “an ounce at  a time” really describes a powerful process of how we get into trouble in terms of our weight, our relationships, or our businesses, as well as the path that we need to follow to get out of trouble.

For example, you may be tempted not to tell your clients something that seems inconsequential such as the fact you noticed quite a few bees buzzing around one of the vent openings to the house. It doesn’t seem like a big thing until the buyers move in, one of their children is stung, and the child has a life-threatening reaction.

The more meticulous you can be about watching out for the little things, the easier it will be for you in the long run. To illustrate, I had some minor pain in one of my teeth. I was worried about it and my dentist couldn’t find the issue until I asked him to look again. Sure enough, one of my crowns had a leak. That was a $1,600 bill, however, if I had waited, the tooth would have abscessed, and it would have been another $1,400 to have had a root canal plus all the pain and inconvenience.

If you are having challenges in your business or personal life, the way out is “an ounce at a time.” Focus on taking one, easy simple step today in addressing the problem. Take another step tomorrow, and another step after that. It’s this slow and steady progress that ultimately wins the day. Conversely, it can be a slow, steady stream of little things that can cause great havoc as well.

There are two sayings that sum this up quite well, one from Ben Franklin and the other from Lao Tzu.

“A stitch in time saves nine” (Franklin)

“A journey of 10,000 miles begins with a single step.”

Be vigilant about watching for the “ounces” and remember major change starts with simple steps.

Posted by Bernice Ross, Join us this week at RealEstateCoachRadio.com to hear Len Elder of Course Creators with great tips on The Art of Engagement.

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Put on a Happy Face

Sunday, August 7th, 2011

The idea that your body position influences your mood comes from Neurolinguistic programming (NLP). A great example is looking straight up and raising your hands over your head and waving them at the ceiling. This is an instant mood improver. I’ve done this exercise for years in groups and virtually everyone who does it smiles.

The reason, according to the NLP folks, is that different body positions become anchored with different emotions. When we were children, we would reach up to our mothers to pick us up. Assuming you had someone who picked you up and held you, this is anchored as a positive emotion. We also use this same movement when our favorite team scores and we cheer. Many dances also involve waving your hands above your head. In each case, these movements express good feelings. Consequently, you can tap into this “good feeling” move simply by looking up at the ceiling and waving your heads back and forth.

Some new research shows some other ways to achieve this same goal. Do you remember someone telling you when you were a kid, that if you would stop crying and smile, you’ll feel better? The research actually supports the fact that changing the expression on your face can actually change your mood.

One of the most surprising studies supporting this fact comes from a study of Botox users who had their frown lines eliminated. They tested as happier than those who can still frown.

Another study showed that people who were suffering from pain actually experienced greater degrees of pain than those who smiled or kept their faces neutral.

Consequently, if you’re having a tough day, one of the best things that you can do is to find something that makes you smile. Here are some suggestions:

1. Take a break from work during the middle of the day and see a funny movie.

2. Have a favorite treat (chocolate comes to mind) that makes you smile. In fact, the research actually does show that chocolate raises endorphins which is tied to happiness.

3. Call your biggest fan or a favorite loved one to bask in how much they care for you.

4. Ask for and give a hug–this is another way that good feelings from childhood are anchored.

5. Exercise, like chocolate, also raises endorphin levels and will improve your mood.

Posted by Bernice Ross, Join us this week on RealEstateCoachRadio.com to hear some really great positive news about what’s happening in the real estate market from Steve Cook, the Managing Editor of Real Estate Economic Watch. Believe it or not, even with all the awful news about the stock market and the U.S. credit downgrade, there is truly good news on the real estate front in many places.

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Make Prospecting Fun

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

Let’s face it. Most real estate professionals work really hard, often grab food on the run, and don’t take time to exercise. Recently, one of our coaching clients challenged us to “make prospecting fun.” Here are three ways you can enjoy life more, have fun, stay healthy, and perhaps even do some business along the way.

1. Take well-timed breaks

Do you believe that you have to jog daily and eat perfectly to limit your risk of heart disease? Surprisingly, you can dramatically reduce your risk of heart attack by taking regular breaks from work. Well timed breaks (a true change in activity, not a diversion like playing Angry Birds or other video games), actually increase productivity. This means that you will perform better when you prospect, go on listing appointments, or negotiate offers.

Dr. Paul Pearsall, in his book The Heart’s Code, describes the factors leading to heart attacks as well as the factors that support your heart’s health. One of the best things you can do to support heart health is to spend time with your loved ones, whether it’s family or close friends. Specifically, eating five leisurely evening meals a week with your loved ones dramatically reduces the incidence of heart attacks.

2. No jogging required

Pearsall’s research on jogging vs. not jogging is surprising. According the Pearsall, you’re better off sitting on the curb having a 100 hearty laughs a day than you are jogging. (Have you seen any joggers who laugh and smile while they run?) Laughter reduces your risk of heart attack and strengthens your overall immune response as well.

In terms of your business, clients love working with agents who are positive and upbeat. When you know how to make people laugh, it reduces the stress and makes your transactions go more smoothly. Furthermore, clients are more likely to refer an agent to their friends if that agent is fun to be with and gets the job done.

3. Have pet, will prospect

Interested in taking a break and prospecting at the same time? Research shows that owning a pet reduces blood pressure while also dramatically improving our sense of well-being. If you own a dog (or cat or pig) that can be walked on a leash, here’s a great way to take a break and prospect at the same time.

You can prospect by taking your pet for a walk at a local park, busy neighborhood, or other public area. . Another great alternative is to sit down with your pet outside a supermarket or department store. People will generally come up to talk to you and your pet. The key here is to make sure you’re wearing something that identifies you as being in real estate such as a name badge, company polo, company sweat shirt, etc. In fact, if you really want to grab some attention, you can always put the shirt on the dog—it’s a definite eye catcher! Your pet can help you meet new prospects in a much more friendly atmosphere as well helping increase your name recognition in your service area.

Posted by Bernice Ross. Join us on RealEstateCoachRadio.com to hear Blogger Extraordinaire Jim Cronin of the RealEstateTomato.com on “Essential Blog Tips for Real Estate.” Jim will be covering the following topics the week of 7-25-11: Why Blogging Is a Great Match for Real Estate;  Where Do I Get Content Ideas; Create Your Own Blog or Blog on ActiveRain, Trulia, or Zillow? Use Your Listings as a Teachable Moment; and Help! I’m Not a Good Writer.

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Is It Time to Dump that Ball and Chain Real Estate Client?

Sunday, July 17th, 2011

During the last two weeks, many of our private real estate coaching clients have been having issues about breaking up a partnership (personal or business), parting ways with another agent in their company, or firing a client who is unrealistic or flat out abusive.

One of the core principles in coaching is that the people we attract are either a step ahead, exactly even, or a step behind where we are. If the distance is greater than that, one of the two people in the relationship will choose to terminate it. This can be especially difficult when the relationship involved is a business situation where there is also a personal friendship.

For example, one highly successful broker owner was having an issue with a woman who was a personal friend and was supposed to be helping her with her business. They had a signed contract about what each person’s role was, yet nothing was getting done.

The challenge here was that the broker owner was very high integrity and lived up to keeping her commitments. The other woman was in the situation of what is known as “Over promise and under deliver.” She promised to do a lot of things, but really didn’t deliver on any of them.

The issue for the broker was how to handle this because they were personal friends and traveled in the same social circles. Clearly, the gap in their integrity levels meant that they could not really do business together.

The course the broker decided upon was to terminate the business relationship in the nicest way she could. Of course, this caused hard feelings with the other woman who may no longer be speaking to the broker. While that seems like a horrible price to pay that will have ramifications for years to come, let’s look at the other choice.

If the broker had continued to work with this woman, she would have had a mismatch with who she is. This was already causing her tremendous amounts of stress including insomnia and stomach pains. Not dealing with this issue could have resulted in long term damage to the broker’s health.

Second, if the broker relied on something for the business that touched her client base and it wasn’t handled properly by this woman, it could cause serious damage to the broker’s reputation and could potentially damage other relationships as well.

The question you must ask yourself is what price are you paying for working with a client whose integrity is out of alignment with yours, who treats you badly, or simply is unrealistic in their expectations about their selling or buying price? In virtually every case, you’re paying a greater price for hanging on to that relationship than you would if you terminated the relationship. In fact, if you continue to hang on, that person can actually pull you backwards to where they are.

If you have an unrealistic seller or buyer, stop working with them. You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to get rid of that ball and chain. If you have more than one, start by getting rid of the biggest, toughest one first. After that, the rest will be easy.

Posted by Bernice Ross. Join us this week on Real Estate Coach Radio with Rich Leven, a Productivity Expert for the Real Estate industry who will be sharing five great tips on how to  ”Calm Down and Focus.” His sessions will include “The Ultimate Confidence Booster,” “Practice Until You Can’t Get It Wrong,” “Control Your Altitude with Your Attitude,” “The Secret of Increased Self Esteem,” and “Systematize for Success.”

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Seven Ways to Get Your Real Estate Listings Sold Now

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

What does it take to get your listings sold when you have tried almost everything and your property is listed at exactly the right price? Here are some tried and true ways that can help you take that listing from “on the market” to “sold.”

1. Change the price.

I actually had a listing that was priced right and we kept getting offers that were way too low. We decided to raise the price and the property sold immediately. While raising the price may not be a good idea in this market, doing a price change is. For example, if you were listed at $289,000, you might change the price to $287,777.

2. Change all the photos at the same time

Now here’s the secret. Take ALL new pictures of the property. If the house lends itself to it, take pictures at night with all the lights on. While the agents may recognize that it’s the same house, many buyers will not remember that they may have seen the house online.

3. Stage the house for relaxation

This is easy to do and not very expensive. Pillows scream “relax.” Make sure there are plenty of pillows on the sofas and beds. Place a beautiful coffee cup or mug on the night stand next to the bed with an open book or an open magazine. This suggests unwinding at home. Also, plenty of plush towels in the bathroom again suggests relaxation. These are minor changes, but can make a big difference.

4. Do a price-per-foot comparison

If you are truly priced correctly, compare your listing with comparable listings on a price per square foot basis. You can then say (provided it is true), “One of the ten best priced properties on a per square foot basis in terms of value and condition.”

5. Do a 3D Open house

If you haven’t tried out United Lane’s 3D open house, you can do so for only $10.00 (Normally about $100) at this link . Place the link everywhere on your print and digital marketing presentations. (You will need to submit a floor plan to use this.) Your marketing campaign should read: “Decorate this house online.” If you haven’t used this approach before, you can tell your sellers, “You’re the first one of my clients to get this great new application.

6. Write better headlines

Run your headline for your ads through the Headline Analyzer. Ideally your headline should score at least 30 percent or higher. To raise your score use words such as  ”these,” “you,” “your,”  and odd numbers to raise your score on the analyzer.

7. It can’t hurt

Finally, in the last downturn in the 1990s, it was all the rage to bury a statue of St. Joseph in the yard to sell the house. To read more about the origins of this legend, click here.

Posted by Bernice Ross. Join us this week on RealEstateCoachRadio.com when Janet Choynowski shares how to expand your real estate business using the coolest new Facebook application yet. Don’t miss this incredibly powerful series that can skyrocket your business now.

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Avoid These Damaging Games that Can Undermine Your Success

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

When transactions or relationships don’t go smoothly, communication can be a major cause. Eric Berne wrote a best-selling book that revolutionized how we think about our interactions with each other. Berne described the best results coming from Adult-to-Adult communication. When things go wrong, especially in real estate transactions, it generally results from one person changing the interaction from Adult-Adult to a “game.”

Berne identified a number of games that people play. These “game”  behaviors can cause serious damage to your personal and your business relationships. If you spot them in yourself, stop now and make a different choice.

If you spot this behavior in your clients, identify what game it is that they’re playing, and then move the communication as quickly as possible back to Adult-Adult. Here are four examples:

The Martyr: “Look what I’ve sacrificed for you.”

The person who plays the martyr wants to be appreciated and acknowledged for his or her  actions. The martyr typically will try to draw you into their game and make you responsible for their choices. Here’s what it sounds like:

I never would have bought this house if it hadn’t been for you. Now we’re upside down, we’re in foreclosure, and it’s all your fault.

The way to keep from getting caught with a martyr is to always tell any client,

It’s your house and it’s your decision. My role is to provide you with the best information available to me so you can make the best possible decision for yourself.

If you use this approach when you work with your clients and someone still continues to whine, remind them that your role was only to provide information and to assist in closing the transaction. The decision about where and when to purchase was their decision.

The Victim: “This horrible event happened to me and I should receive special treatment because of it.”

A lot of real estate agents are feeling “victimized” by today’s tough market. Others are having their best years ever. Whether it’s becoming ill, losing someone or something you love, or just coping with tough life events, your choice is to  allow the event to control the rest of your life or you can move forward by looking at how you can make each day the best possible. Reliving the story years after the event is an attempt to gain attention and affection through pity. The question to ask is, Do I want people to value me for who I am or do I want them to pity me because of some event in my past?

The Child: “I can’t do it—it’s too hard for me (or I’m ready yet.)”

In almost every case, what stops us from moving forward is fear—fear of failing, of not being good enough, or not performing up to personal expectations. The key to moving forward is to use the word “choose” instead of the word “can’t” and then ask yourself about what is the that is holding you back. In other words, “I choose not to engage in this activity because I’m afraid of…” Once you spot the cause of the fear, you are in a better place to cope with it because you recognize the cause.

Also, please note that when your clients engage in obnoxious behavior, it’s almost always because they are fearful. Consequently, the smart move is not to yell at the–would you yell at a frightened child?? A better approach is to work with them to move past the fear and make a decision where the “adult” part of their personality is in charge–not the scared little child.

When it comes to fear, remember some fears are healthy. For example, “I’m afraid to drink and drive,” not only because it’s illegal, but because I’m afraid I could seriously injure myself and others.

The Parent/Expert: “You should listen to me because I know what is best for you.”

This is one of the most common traps for real estate agents. We are the experts and our clients don’t know as much as we do about the real estate business. When people engage in this type of behavior, it’s generally “I’m right–you’re wrong.” The need here is to be in control and to avoid being wrong.

To release the “parent/expert” two steps are necessary. First, let go of the “should.” Replace it with, “What worked for me,” or “When I was confronted with X, this is how I dealt with it.” This allows your client too formulate his or her own response. It also helps you avoid feeling rejected if your client chooses an option different from the one you chose.

Second, each situation has different players and different circumstances. What worked in one situation can be a disaster in others. Just because something worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for someone else.

Again, the best way to avoid these games is to let the client be in control and to remember, that if your clients are behaving badly, chances are they are just plain scared.

Posted by Bernice Ross, www.RealEstateCoachRadio.com

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Real Estate Coaching Results that Rock: Stop Yelling at Me!

Sunday, June 26th, 2011

Have you ever asked someone to “Stop yelling at me!” The probability is high that the request fell on deaf ears. If you want to know the secrets to turning confrontational situations into a win-win for everyone, a small shift in your behavior is all that is needed.

This week I was working with a client who is doing what many other real estate professionals do–she is doing her work plus cleaning up after the other people she works with who are refusing to carry their fair share of the burden. Her partner will not let her fire the people who insult her and refuse to do what she asks, even though they are employees. When she raises the issue with him, he just rolls his eyes.

Her partner constantly makes commitments to his clients and then expects her to drop what she is doing with her clients to accommodate him. She has asked him to stop doing this, yet every time she asks him to stop, a day or two later there’s something else she has to do because he’s dropped the ball.

This situation is taking a terrible toll on her. She’s totally committed to serving her clients and her partner knows he can count on her to pick up the slack.

The challenge in this situation is the same one you face when a client yells at you or when someone becomes angry with you. When you ask someone to “Stop yelling at me,” that seldom works. The same thing is true in this situation.

The alternative is actually pretty simple. Instead of asking someone to stop yelling, a better approach is to ask, “Will you please speak softly to me?” This tells the other person exactly what you want and need. More importantly, this is what is known as a pattern interrupt. When someone is yelling, they’re accustomed to hearing something like, “Stop yelling at me” or “You don’t have to raise your voice.”

In contrast, when has someone asked you to “speak softly”? This comes as such a surprise that in most cases, the person will stop yelling.

If the person refuses to speak softly to you, then say the following:

“If you can’t speak softly to me I am going to leave.”

If the person persists, hang up the phone or leave. You do not have to take this type of abuse.

The client in the situation above decided that the next time her partner engages in this behavior, she is going to “leave” and be unavailable to clean up the messes her partner makes. While it may have some negative consequences for their business initially, it’s not nearly as serious as ruining her health and being unable to work at all.

In terms of the people who are disrespectful to her, she had already decided how she was going to address that. The company is half hers. She put them and her partner on notice that the next time they engage in this behavior that she would fire them.

The bottom line here is that you do not need to tolerate anyone being abusive to you. Instead, tell them what you need and if they won’t accommodate you, the best option is to simply walk away.

Posted by Bernice Ross, This week on RealEstateCoachRadio Carra Riley joins us for five great sessions based upon her book, “Cosmic Shift Happens,” co-authored by Joeann Fossland. This is a great series packed with lots of wonderful tips to help your real estate business

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